Shatter
by CalypsoSunn
Summary: The French are finally ousted from Switzerland in 1815, and Vash returns home with hopes of returning to his normal life. However, certain memories continue to haunt him, and he finds he cannot escape from the past he so desperately wants to forget. Will the one nation that abandoned Vash all those years ago help mend this nation, or is Vash too broken beyond repair?
1. Hurry

_1815, Congress of Vienna_

"The independence of Switzerland is now fully reestablished, and all European powers have agreed to recognize your neutrality. You are now completely free from France, and we shall prevent any future invasion from his country from occurring."

Vash stood with his chin raised up, listening to the voice of England as he and the other nations gave his country their well-deserved independence back after seventeen years of being run by the French. Those years had probably been some of the worst in his long life, and he was more than glad to be leaving them behind. However, he didn't show this emotion; his face remained a blank slate. He didn't want anyone to see his relief of the French leaving his country.

"If this is understood, you are now free to return to your home," Arthur said from behind the table he sat at. Beside him was Ivan, Roderich, and Gilbert, all three wearing smiles on their faces as if happy for Vash. Francis, on the other hand, looked at Vash with a mix of anger and sadness. He hadn't wanted to let Switzerland free from his control, so Vash knew it was killing the nation to be here listening to the verdict.

_Good,_ Vash thought. It's not like France had treated him like a friend or equal or anything while he settled in Switzerland, so Vash had no sympathy for the nation. At all.

The Swiss nodded to Arthur, not saying a word in response as he turned and left the great room in a hurry. He didn't need to say anything; England knew what had been happening in Switzerland the last several years and knew how betrayed Vash felt. He didn't feel any of the nations that had been seated in front of him deserved any sort of response from him at all, especially Austria.

Switzerland burst through the doors to the outside, walking with his head held high and hands in his pockets. He moved quickly across the street to where his tall dark horse was tied to a tree. Un-doing the knot, he released the rope from the tree and got up onto the animal.

"Alright boy, let's go," he whispered to the animal, in a hurry to leave this place and get back home.

The horse let out a quiet cry in response and charged forward as if sharing Vash's anticipation to leave Vienna. Without a single glance back, Vash began the journey home to his once again independent country.

* * *

**Sorry for the short chapter, this one is just an introduction!**

**Just a little info on what's going on- In 1798 during the Napoleonic era, the French invaded Switzerland and overran it. In 1803, the country was reestablished as a confederation, and Switzerland's full independence was regained at the Congress of Vienna in 1815.**

**This fic is taking place after the independence was reestablished, but it will go back to events that took place during the French occupation.**

**Hope you enjoy:-)**


	2. No Escape

Vash paused outside his front door, his hand resting on the doorknob. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. So many emotions ran through him, ranging from excitement to anxiety to pain. He hadn't been inside his home in twelve years-and even when he was allowed to stay there briefly, that opportunity was taken away from him when he was forced to stay with Francis. The Swiss involuntarily flinched thinking about it. Shaking his head, he twisted the knob and opened the door.

Shutting the door behind him, he stood in his hallway, taking a look around his home. His living room table was broken, and the papers that had been resting on it were strewn across the floor. A lamp lay shattered on the ground, and there were several bullet holes in the wall. Shattered glass from a window littered the blood-stained covered floor as well.

It was just as he remembered it looked when he was dragged from his home twelve years ago.

**_Flashback_**

****_Vash woke up suddenly, immediately feeling as if something was wrong. Frowning, he got up from his bed and moved to the window, peering outside. Everything seemed normal for the morning; few people moved around considering the sun had barely risen. The Swiss pulled away from the window and went to his closet, pulling out a plain white shirt and pair of black pants. After changing, he grabbed a gun from the back of the closet and made his way downstairs, the strange feeling never leaving him._

_ He walked into his kitchen and grabbed a glass of water. He moved into his living room and sat down on one of his chairs. He sat there, unmoving and unsure of what to do. For some reason, he felt as if something was about to happen here that he couldn't avoid. _

_ That's when it happened. All of a sudden, the door burst open, and five French soldiers all carrying guns barged through the open doorway. Vash jumped up, grabbing his gun, and aimed it at the five men that were now fanned out in a semi-circle in his living room._

_ "Don't move, and don't shoot," one said in a heavily accented voice._

_ "Like hell I won't!" Switzerland snarled, cocking his weapon. "You've intruded into my home with no reason and no permission. Give me one reason not to shoot you all dead now!"_

_ "I think you would know that reason Vash, no?"_

_ The Swiss immediately recognized the voice and tried not to show any reaction to it. He remained quiet and kept his glare focused on the soldiers and not Francis as he made his way slowly into his home. _

_ "Oh, my dear boy," France said, now standing right next to one of the soldiers, "I thought I might be able to leave you on your own for some time. I thought I would be able to trust you to obey my rules. But I guess I was wrong. It looks like you need me here in order to follow the rules."_

_ Not taking his eyes from the other men, Vash responded,"I don't know what you're talking about."_

_ Francis tsk-ed at the blonde. "Vash," he said with a smile on his face, causing the Swiss man to shudder,"I know you're smart enough to tell the truth. So tell it to me. Or if it makes it easier, I could tell you what you've done to anger me."_

_ "Get the hell out of my house," he growled in response._

_ Francis sighed, taking a step toward the blonde, who didn't move an inch."But Switzerland, your country is just a confederation, and I still rule you technically speaking." He walked a few paces to the left, then walked back to where he was originally standing. Vash stood waiting in irritation and annoyance at the nation that wouldn't just leave him alone. _

_ Francis continued in a sympathetic voice, although Vash knew this wasn't genuine. "My dear, when I hear that you are trying to organize a revolution to kick me and my men out of your country, that really hurts," he said, putting a hand to his heart in mock pain. Vash fought the desire to roll his eyes. "You've lost my trust, so therefore we have come to bring you back to my house to stay with me. Put your gun down and come without resistance and maybe your punishment will be lessened."_

_ Switzerland snorted, unwilling to obey France's orders. He would rather go through the pain and torture of his punishments than lose his pride._

_ "Sorry," he snarled at the Frenchman, "but if you think I would go with you willingly then you're more stupid than I thought you were."_

_ Francis frowned, an angry look taking over his face. "I have been very patient with you, Switzerland," he said, and it was evident to Vash that the man was trying to keep his anger from entering his voice, "But that patience has reached its limits." The man shook his head, then motioned to his soldiers. "Take him, do whatever you need to do in order to get him out of here," he told them, nodding toward Vash. With one last look at the Swiss, he turned away toward the door. "I will be outside," he called to his men. "Bring the boy out when you have him."_

_ The soldiers advanced toward Vash once Francis had exited. The Swiss immediately fired a shot, at the nearest one, hitting the man square in the chest. He collapsed onto the table, cracking its glass. The other men fired their weapons in response, and Vash jumped out of the way, firing his gun and hitting another in the head. He ignored the sound of glass shattering as one of the men's bullets hit a window, sending glass cascading onto the floor._

_ Unfortunately, in the next volley of shots, one of the soldiers hit his knee while Vash was in the air, and the blonde cried out, crashing into a lamp and collapsing onto the ground. His gun fell out of his hand and skittered across the floor. A soldier moved quickly to Vash, kicking his shoulder and sending him crashing onto his back with a gasp. The soldier then took out a knife, holding it in front of Switzerland's face. He smiled wickedly._

_ "Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit," he said in a menacing voice. He then stabbed the weapon into Vash's stomach. The blonde let out a gasp but didn't cry out. Blood poured from his stomach, and Vash could only sit there and watch it. The soldier laughed and called out to one of the other men, but Vash couldn't make out what he said as he was already losing consciousness. He felt someone grab his arms and haul him up, and he didn't even have the energy to cry out in pain. His vision blurred, and the last thing he remembered before passing out completely was the sound of Francis's satisfied voice. _

Switzerland blinked his eyes, jolting back to the present. _Stop it,_ he thought to himself, realizing he was shaking. _You're here, it's all over._

Trying to shake the memory off, Vash walked over to the broken table and bent down to pick up a book that had been knocked to the floor in the process. He brushed some dust off its cover and held it for a few moments before placing it on another table. Sighing, he stood in the room looking at the mess. He closed his eyes, a sadness filling his chest. But before it could completely take him over, he turned into the hallway and grabbed some cleaning supplies, deciding to clean up the room in order to distract his thoughts.

_Welcome home,_ he thought to himself angrily as he bent down on the floor and got to work.


	3. Things Of Nightmares

Vash collapsed onto a chair, exhausted from putting everything back in order. He glanced out the window, surprised to see that the sun had gone down and stars were now out in the sky. He was shocked out how long it took him to fix up the living room when it seemed to only take him half an hour while doing it. He got up slowly and stretched out his arms above him with a yawn, deciding he might as well get some sleep seeing as there was nothing else he had to complete at the moment. He shuffled his way down the hallway and upstairs to his room. He quickly changed into a pair of sweats and a plain tee shirt then fell right onto his bed, making his way under the covers he had missed so much.

Vash shut his eyes, thinking for a moment how nice it was to finally be back home and in his own bed. He hadn't realized how much he had missed this simple luxury until now, and he decided to never take something as simple as this for granted. With this last thought, Switzerland drifted off into unconsciousness.

_Francis grabbed Switzerland's hair, yanking him up into a sitting position. The blonde bit his lip and closed his eyes briefly to keep from crying out._

_ France released his hair with a shove, sending Vash's head into the stone wall. He then grabbed his chin, yanking his face upward so that Vash was forced to look into the Frenchman's eyes. He smiled maliciously._

_ "Good morning my dear," he said sweetly, and Vash's stomach churned. "It's that time again!" _

_ Vash glared at the man, unwilling to show him any fear. Instead of begging the man to stop, he spit in his face, causing Francis to let go of the blonde's face. France quickly backhanded the Swiss, sending him onto his side. He landed, wincing in pain. He then felt a sharp pain in the side of his knee and looked down at it, seeing Francis had stuck a knife in it._

_ The Frenchman stuck the knife in deeper, causing Vash to writhe in agony. _

"_You need to learn to respect me," Francis snarled in anger, "because this would end a lot sooner if you would just surrender and obey me."_

_ Vash grit his teeth as France dragged the knife down the side of his leg. He felt the blood streaming down it, and it took all of his strength not to scream. _

_ France pulled the knife out slowly and stood up. He kicked Vash onto his back. "Why are you so disobedient?" He hissed, stepping on the blonde's arm. _

_ Vash struggled a little, but Francis only stepped down with more force, and the Swiss could hear the sound of a bone crunch. This time, he couldn't help but cry out. This only caused the Frenchman to smile and push down even more. Switzerland gasped and struggled to catch his breath. _

_ "Why don't you answer me?" Francis asked with a grin, knowing the reason Vash couldn't respond. He suddenly released his foot from his arm, and Vash let out a choked breath, trying to steady his breathing. Francis waited several moments just staring at the blonde with satisfaction, then opened his mouth when it was clear Vash wasn't going to say anything. But he was quickly cut off when the blonde opened his mouth._

_ "Go to hell," he whispered at Francis, looking him right in the eye. _

_ The Frenchman paused a moment, then strode out of the room. Vash stared at him, confused as to why he just left, but his answer was soon answered when the man walked back into the cell with the knife in his hand. Vash smelled acid, and his stomach dropped realizing what Francis was about to do._

_ He moved slowly toward Vash, shaking his head at the blonde. He sighed as if pitying Vash. "My dear boy," he said, bending down next to Switzerland, "I hope for your sake that you learn to respect me soon." And with that last statement, he plunged the knife into Vash's stomach._

Vash sat up quickly with a cry, gasping for air. He looked around wildly, seeing he was still in his bedroom. He ran his fingers through his hair, feeling that it was slick with sweat.

_It was just a dream, _he told himself, his whole body trembling. _Just a dream, it's not real. _

He remained where he was for several moments, catching his breath and trying to gain his bearings. He then paused, feeling a strange sensation in his stomach, and he jumped up, running to his bathroom. As soon as he entered, he ran to the toilet and threw up. Leaning back on his heels, Vash took several breaths, then stood up slowly, swaying somewhat. His body still shook as he walked out and moved toward the window.

He moved the curtain, seeing no one as it was barely dawn yet. He placed his forehead against the glass, letting the cool temperature of the glass calm him down. He shut his eyes, trying to calm his thoughts down.

_It's all over, _he thought to himself, taking slow breaths. _It will never happen again._

He remained where he was for some time, trying to ease the thoughts of that past event out of his mind. He opened his eyes slowly after, and then he pushed himself off the glass.

_I need to distract myself, _he thought, going toward his closet to grab a gun. Without bothering to change, he exited his bedroom and headed downstairs. He went to his front door, and without a backward glance headed outside, deciding to head to the field and shoot some targets to distract himself.


	4. Confrontations

Vash closed one eye, aiming at his target. _Bang! _Sounded the gun as it fired a bullet, hitting the target right on. Switzerland lowered the gun, pausing to take a break. He had been out shooting targets for a good part of the morning, not stopping to take any rest. A droplet of sweat ran down his face, and he rubbed it off with his arm. After a few moments of sitting there, Vash stood up, deciding he had been there long enough. He started walking back home at a leisurely pace, seeing as there was nowhere he had to immediately be.

A thought struck him suddenly as he walked. He hadn't been home in years, so he hadn't seen his people in a very long time. Because of this, he decided he would go to some of the villages to see his people. It was only fair to them, considering they put up such a fight years ago for their country.

He quickened his pace, arriving home in a few minutes. He walked though his front door and went to the hallway closet to place the gun back where it was. Shutting that door, he turned to head back outside when a knock sounded at the front door. He froze in place, a sudden fear taking over him.

_Stop,_ he scolded himself, moving cautiously and curiously to the door._ If it was Francis, he would've just barged in._

Slowly, he opened the door, peeking through the narrow slit he had opened. Seeing the figure that stood there, Vash paused, dumbstruck and unable to move. He wondered whether to slam the door right then and there or be civilized and welcome the figure in. That thought was answered with him when the figure spoke.

"Hello, Vash," he said rather timidly and unsurely, "may I come in?"

Still speechless, Switzerland moved aside and let the man in. He stepped into his home, giving Vash a grateful but cautious smile as if afraid of how the blonde would react.

Finally finding his voice, Vash spoke up. "What are you doing here Austria?" He asked, narrowing his eyes and crossing his arms.

Roderich stood there, looking softly into the blonde's eyes with sympathy. "I thought maybe I would stop by and see how you're doing. "

"I'm fine," the Swiss barked, walking to the closet to grab his jacket. Pulling it on, he turned to face the Austrian. "Now if you don't mind, I have things to do, so you may leave." He turned into the kitchen, leaving Roderich standing alone in the hallway.

"Vash, wait!" he cried, going after the blonde.

Vash kept moving and grit his teeth in annoyance. "What?" He snapped, swirling around to face Roderich, who now stood right behind the Swiss.

Looking flustered, Austria spoke. "Vash, we need to talk," he said in a quiet but strong voice.

Switzerland snorted. "Like hell we do," he replied, trying to move around the Austrian.

Roderich grabbed his arm. "Let go!" He growled, trying to yank his arm free with no success.

"Vash please!" Austria pleaded, not letting go of the Swiss. "Please, just hear me out, we really do need to have a conversation! You don't even have to say anything, just listen to me!"

"And why should I?" Vash barked, glaring at Austria with a look of hatred, hoping it would mask the hurt and betrayal he really felt.

Roderich opened his mouth, but no words came out. He released Vash's arm in the next moment as if defeated. However, Vash didn't walk away; he continued to glare at the Austrian who now looked downward as if guilty.

When Vash was about to walk away, Roderich spoke up. "I'm sorry," he said softly, causing Vash to pause, but he didn't turn around to face the man. Roderich continued.

"I'm sorry for not coming to save you from Francis, and I'm sorry for letting him take over your country. I'm sorry for letting him torture you and keep you hostage, I'm sorry for not helping you sooner!"

He paused to catch his breath, waiting for Vash's reaction. The blonde waited with his back still turned on the Austrian, processing his words. Then, he turned around slowly, his face a blank slate.

"You're sorry for what you didn't do to help me," he started in an indifferent voice as to not show what he truly felt. Vash took a small step toward the Austrian, and Roderich seemed to shy away somewhat.

"Yes," he said softly, "I should have come sooner, and I'm so sorry."

Now angry, Vash narrowed his eyes at the man. "This isn't about me," he hissed, "this is about my people! They are the ones that were raped and beaten for not surrendering because they were waiting for you!" He felt a tear of anger escape his eye, but he ignored it, continuing to speak to the Austrian in as controlled of a voice as he could manage. "They are the ones that watched their houses burn to the ground for their resistance because they were waiting for help that never came! They are the ones that felt betrayed, hurt, and confused because of you." He paused, catching his breath, watching as the Austrian looked at the ground in guilt. Tears filled Vash's eyes, and he couldn't tell if they were due to anger or anguish. "They are the ones you should apologize to, not me. I don't give a shit if I was tortured and went through hell, because what they went through is a lot worse."

Roderich stood, unable to say anything. Vash turned away, closing his eyes to try to get the image of that day out of his head. "You need to leave," he said quietly, his voice no longer showing any emotion.

Austria lifted his head, looking at the back of Vash's. Switzerland waited without speaking, in case Roderich had anything left to say.

However, he didn't. Obeying Switzerland, he walked silently toward the front door. After opening it, he paused in the doorway, turning to look back at Vash who was now furiously wiping at tears that were falling down his face.

"I won't leave you alone Vash," he said softly, "you need help to recover from this, and I will help you. I hope one day I can fix my errors, but for now, I want to help you even if you hate me."

With that last statement, he turned and walked out the door, shutting it softly behind him. Vash stared out after him, not moving for a few minutes. Then, unable to hold in his tears any longer, he slid to the floor, releasing the waterworks that he had been trying to keep at bay for way too long.


	5. Lost and Found

His mind was blank. Vash had been sitting with his back against the wall for at least thirty minutes even though his tears had finally stopped. He stared at the wall with no thoughts possessing his mind; he only felt numb. Finally, he slowly rose, still not thinking about anything that had happened. The blonde walked out his front door, deciding to go visit some villagers as that was his original plan. His legs moved automatically, and his eyes stared straight ahead, not paying attention to anything around him. A wild animal could have come running at him head on and he wouldn't have even noticed.

His legs continued moving, and in what seemed like no time to Vash, he arrived at a small village. People moved about doing their daily chores and work. Women washed clothes outside while their daughters gathered water to help, and men were out harvesting plants. Vash observed all this but didn't really take any of it in. He was almost upon the village when a woman carrying a bucket of water noticed him. Without breaking eye contact, she announced in a loud whisper to the women around her who had arrived. A horde of people turned to see Vash, and as soon as they registered who it was, they put down what they were doing and rushed over to him.

"Switzerland!" One cried, a smile on her face, "You're back! You're home!"

Vash's mind suddenly cleared up, and his lost look disappeared from his face. Everyone gathered around greeted him, and they all looked cheerful and happy. It had an almost instantaneous effect on Vash who began to feel better himself.

"Hello everyone," he said to them trying to make eye contact with them all, "I'm glad to see you are all doing alright. I am sorry for not being able to arrive sooner to see how you all have been."

"It is not your fault," a man said, "You have done so much for us, and we thank you."

The villagers all murmured in agreement. Vash looked down, a smile on his face, although a small amount of guilt gnawed at his inside. He took a shallow breath then looked up.

"Maybe," he conceded, "but I must apologize for having your hopes shut down." The people looked at him confused. Vash continued. "I am sorry that you and other towns didn't surrender because you were waiting for help that never came. I am sorry for the suffering you all endured, but I must say I am so proud of your bravery."

His voice caught on the last word, and his vision was suddenly blurry. He realized he was beginning to cry again.

Noticing this, one woman put her hand on his shoulder. Vash looked up at her, somewhat confused. The woman looked at him softly and sympathetically.

"None of that is your fault," she said quietly but loud enough for everyone to hear. "You should not blame yourself. And I think I speak for everyone when I say we would do the same thing we did all those years ago in order to protect our country."

Everyone murmured in agreement, and Vash was filled with pride in his people. He was so proud to be the representative of a country with such loyal and strong people.

Another man spoke to Switzerland. "We are grateful for your visit and compassion for us all," he said with a touching smile, "but I think you should go to your home and rest. You look exhausted, and I'm sure you are planning on seeing other towns."

Several "yes's" sounded out among the group, and Vash just stood there, unsure of what to say. After all, he felt like he had just gotten there. Was there anything else left for him to do?

Seeing his confusion on what he should do, another man stepped up. "Go," he said, "you have done all you needed here. All we wanted was to see you alive and well, and we have received this wish."

Switzerland took a breath. He was so touched at how caring and compassionate his people were. He couldn't have asked for anyone else.

He nodded at everyone and gave a small smile. "Thank you," he told everyone, "thank you for your compassion. I am so proud to represent this country."

With a final nod and a wave to everyone, he turned around heading back toward his home feeling much greater than he had only minutes before.


	6. Sleepwalking

His feet tread across the floor; however, Vash was unaware of his movement. His eyes were open, but his mind was unconscious. The moon shone through his bedroom window, but Vash was unable to see this. The blonde was still asleep, yet his body was up and moving without his knowledge.

He walked slowly as if possessed by some unearthly being. He walked out of his bedroom and down the stairs, the whole time staring straight ahead of him without seeing anything. After reaching the bottom of the stairs, he moved down the hallway, continuing his slow, measured pace.

Upon reaching the living room, his steps suddenly faltered, and Vash tumbled onto the floor, hitting his head against the table. However, he made no reaction as he was still unconscious. He simply stood up and walked to the window as blood dripped steadily down from his forehead. Vash stared out the window looking like he was deep in thought although his head was occupied with a dream that kept him from waking and being aware of his actions.

Switzerland suddenly turned around after standing at the window for a long period of time. Starting his leisurely pace again, he walked back up the stairs and into his bedroom, lying down in bed again without a sound as the blood continued pouring down his face without his knowledge.

* * *

He heard his name being called from far away, but he couldn't tell who the voice belonged to. He kept his eyes closed, too groggy to move or wake up. A light, throbbing headache occupied his head, adding to his reasons for not waking up.

_Just let me sleep,_ he thought to himself, trying to tune the voice out.

The room got silent for a brief moment, and Vash had thought the person had left. However, as soon as this thought entered his head, he felt hands grab his arms and shake him. With a groan, the blonde slowly blinked his eyes open, and everything slowly came into focus.

The first thing he saw was Roderich who stared at him with worry. Vash tried his best to glare at him, but it wasn't so easy to do so when he just woke up.

"What're you doing here?" He asked, lacking the venom he had intended to use. He started to get up, but immediately his head started pounding, and his sight became filled with bright light. Vash grit his teeth, closing his eyes and pressing his hand to his head in order to try and stop the headache. He felt something sticky on his face and slowly pulled his hand away.

Blood.

Vash looked at it, feeling a mixture of confusion and irritation, but the latter was only a result of Austria invading his home. He stalked into the bathroom and stood in front of the mirror, immediately cringing at the sight of blood covering his face and shirt. He quickly grabbed a towel and started to clean his face off when Austria came in to observe. The Swiss promptly ignored him, acting as if he wasn't there.

"What happened Vash?" The Austrian questioned with concern as he stared at Vash.

"I don't know!" He snapped in reply as he was confused as to how he could've gotten a gash so large and deep on his head when he was asleep the whole night. He started rubbing his shirt with the towel, but none of the blood came off. He placed the towel on the cabinet and took off his shirt, throwing it to the ground in frustration. He then walked past the Austrian out of the bathroom and back into the bedroom to grab another shirt. Roderich's eyes followed him the whole time.

He pulled out a green tee shirt and slipped it on. The blonde then had to pause again and steady himself on his dresser as another pulsating pain arose from his head. He squeezed his eyes shut yet again, pressing the heel of his palm into one of his eyes. He suppressed a groan as he didn't want to seem too weak in front of the Austrian.

"Vash, did you have a bad dream last night or something?" Roderich asked softly from the door of the bathroom, making sure to keep his distance.

Switzerland glared at him but immediately thought of his dreams last night.

_His gaze swept across the land, watching with anger as soldiers occupied all of his sight. He could see smoke in the distance and with a feeling of despair, he realized this was probably coming from burning houses off in the distance. He grit his teeth and, seeing a French soldier within range of his rifle, shot the man square in the chest. He would do anything he could to stop the French from taking over his country; he would not let them win. _

_ He sent a few more bullets into the heads of soldiers watching as they fell to the ground dead. However, a small part of him knew that no matter how many he shot here, there was still no chance of stopping them. _

Shut up,_ he told himself, trying to remain focused. _

_ He stood in anticipation waiting for more soldiers when all of a sudden he heard a shot from behind him, and then a searing pain was felt in his thigh. He immediately dropped the gun and stumbled to the ground, landing with a gasp .His leg felt like it was on fire, but he tried to get up despite the pain in an effort to fight back whoever had shot him. However, as he struggled to reach his gun, it was promptly kicked away by his attacker. Vash struggled to get up, but the pain in his thigh was too great, and he fell onto his side._

_ "Oh, Switzerland, my boy," a heavily-accented French voice sounded, "Did you really think that by fighting back you would have a chance at booting me and my men out of your country?"_

_ Vash grit his teeth, and anger bubbled inside of him. He didn't reply to Francis; instead, he glared at the man as he slowly reached toward his boot to try and grab a knife. _

_ Unfortunately, Francis caught him and kicked the blonde over onto his back. A shot of pain went up Vash's leg, and he bit his lip to keep from crying out. He tried to steady his breathing, but it was slowly becoming harder and harder. France just tsk-ed his tongue, pacing back and forth for several moments. Finally, he stopped by Switzerland's head and crouched down, staring at the blonde who was now slowly losing consciousness from the loss of blood and the pain._

_ "I'm sorry Vash," he whispered, a wicked grin slowly forming on his face, "but you're mine now."_

Vash frowned, wondering if he had accidently hit his head somehow in his sleep due to his nightmare. It could be possible he supposed, but he wasn't going to tell Austria that.

"I probably fell off the bed or something," he growled, and he started walking out of his bedroom and downstairs. "Why are you here?" He asked the trailing Austrian in an irritated tone.

A brief hesitation followed his question, and then Roderich responded. "I came to see how you were today," he said, "and it's a good thing I did. Maybe you should see a doctor about that or something," he added, referring to the head wound.

Vash rolled his eyes, moving into the kitchen to have some coffee. "I've had much worse, Roderich," he said replied, turning around to face the man. He took a sip of his beverage then placed the mug down on the table. Folding his arms and leaning on the counter behind him, he said, "haven't you realized yet that I am not interested in your help?"

The Austrian winced. "Vash," he said softly, looking the blonde in the eyes, "You need my help. Or if it's not my help, you need help from someone. You need to talk to someone!"

"Don't tell me what I need!" Switzerland snapped immediately, glaring at the Austrian. "You don't know what I need!"

"Maybe so!" Roderich snapped back, trying to contain his frustration. "But I do know that you can't go on like this forever, hiding all of your thoughts and emotions inside of you!"

"Yeah?" Vash retorted, "Well I have all these years, so I think I can do it for a little while longer!"

Austria was finally reaching his limits. "Why are you so afraid of getting help from other people?!" he yelled at the blonde.

"Because of people like you!" Vash shouted, and the room immediately became silent; the only sound that could be heard was the breathing of the two men. Austria couldn't respond; he didn't know what to say. Vash continued on, but his voice lacked the anger and venom it contained before.

"Because people like you cause me to lose faith and trust in others," he said, and Austria could see the broken look in his eyes. "How can I trust anyone with my thoughts if all I've ever known was betrayal?"

The two were silent for several moments as they looked into each other's eyes. Finally, Roderich found his voice.

"You're right," he said quietly causing the smallest look of surprise to form on Vash's face. He continued on. "I can see how you don't have any trust in others. But if you are offered help, maybe you should take it."

Switzerland didn't respond. Once again, all of his anger had faded into something else-sadness. He didn't even have the desire to fight back anymore. Attempting to end their conversation, he said in an indifferent tone, "Well, the last time I was offered help, it never came. So, excuse me for acting the way I do."

He started to walk around Roderich, unsure of where exactly he was going but feeling like he had to leave. However, all of a sudden, a sharp pain went through his head, and Vash stumbled, almost falling to the ground.

"Ahh," he groaned, gritting his teeth and holding his head. Roderich quickly dashed over and held the nation's shoulders in an attempt to steady him. Vash didn't even notice; the pain was blinding all of his senses.

He heard a muffled voice speaking, but it sounded far away. He could only assume it was Austria as he was the only person at his house. He tried to shove the nation away, but it only caused him to lose his balance and almost fall over again. He felt himself being guided over somewhere by Austria, and soon he was helped onto the couch in his living room.

"I'm getting a doctor," he heard Roderich say, but it sounded very far away. He squeezed his eyes shut.

"No, I'm fine," Vash snapped rather loudly, but the Austrian was already out the door and rushing toward the nearest town, leaving the blonde alone on the couch.


	7. Bitter

"Alright," the doctor said as he finished bandaging Vash's head. "It appears you have a pretty severe concussion, and you cut yourself pretty deep, so you won't be allowed to do any intense physical activity for at least two weeks. "

"Does that include target practice?" Austria questioned, and the doctor nodded.

"Especially that," he replied with emphasis. "Shooting a gun will only make the concussion worse."

Switzerland scowled at Roderich for asking that question. Damn Austrian. Now he wouldn't be able to do the one thing that always helped to clear his head.

Roderich nodded at the doctor, ignoring Vash's glare. "Thank you very much sir," he said politely.

The doctor packed up his supplies and smiled. "It's no problem," he replied sincerely. He then turned to Vash. "Remember, no physical activity if you want that to heal more quickly!"

The blonde just glared at the doctor who turned to leave the house.

Austria clapped his hands together as soon as the doctor departed. "Well," he started, "since the doctor ordered you to rest for a day before getting up and moving about, I shall stay and make sure you get everything you need."

Vash glared but didn't respond; he was too angry with what the doctor ordered. He seriously couldn't do any hard physical activity, including shooting? What was he supposed to do then? Sure, he could walk and do other light activities, but the one thing he loved to do anytime was taken away from him for a whole two weeks. At least.

Roderich hesitated for a moment as if waiting for a harsh remark from the blonde; however, when no response came, he sat down on a chair next to the couch where Vash lay. The Swiss stared at the ceiling, pointedly not looking at the Austrian. He was in no mood to converse with that man. Not now, not ever.

But of course, the Austrian had different desires. "Has the pain died down at all?" he questioned.

"Yes."

Roderich nodded. "Do you need anything at the moment? Some water, something to eat.."

"No."

The man frowned slightly. "Are you comfortable?"

"Yes."

The Austrian sighed. "Can you give me an answer that is more than one word?"

The blonde let out an irritated breath. "Yes," he emphasized in a sarcastic tone, "I am the most comfortable, thank you very much for your hospitality."

Roderich crossed his arms across his chest, his frown deepening. "Vash, I am only trying to help you. I am sorry that you are upset with what the doctor said, but you mustn't take it out on me."

Vash rolled his eyes. _Stop talking,_ he thought, wishing the Austrian would either shut up or leave. Couldn't he understand Vash didn't want him here and didn't want his help?

A silence engulfed the two for several moments. Finally, Roderich sighed again. "You can really be such a child sometimes," he said in a somewhat disapproving tone.

Switzerland snorted. "What are you, my father?" he replied, still looking at the ceiling.

Austria's eyes narrowed as he finally began losing patience with the blonde. "No," he snapped, "but if I was I would've knocked some sense into you and taught you some respect."

Vash froze, feeling déjà vu upon hearing those words. He remembered Francis saying something very similar to him while punishing him for his insolence. Switzerland flinched as he recalled the event, and quickly blinked his eyes several times to try and erase the memory from his mind for now.

"Vash, are you alright?" Roderich asked, snapping the Swiss out of his thoughts.

"Yes, I'm fine," he replied, looking back toward the ceiling, trying to appear as if nothing had happened. The dull throbbing in his head intensified, and he closed his eyes trying to decrease the pain as best he could. He could feel the Austrian's eyes on him, but he chose to ignore it and pretend like nothing had happened.

Vash assumed Roderich had just decided to move on because after several moments, he went over to the side of the couch Vash was laying on and kneeled down.

"Maybe you should get some sleep?" he suggested, seeing as the blonde's head was still bothering him.

Switzerland grunted and kept his eyes closed. "Why do you think my eyes are closed?" he growled, irritated.

Vash couldn't see, but he could tell the Austrian was flustered and embarrassed by his response. _Good, _he thought to himself. After a second, he could feel Roderich rise again.

"Right then," he said awkwardly, "do you want me to bring you to your room?"

Vash scowled. "I'm fine right here! Now leave me alone."

He heard Austria sigh and then sit down in another chair. "Alright then, but I'm going to stay here just in case you start sleepwalking again, okay?"

Switzerland scowled yet again but didn't argue back. He knew it was for the best, although he wished it could've been anyone else but Austria watching him.

Vash tried falling asleep, but he felt awkward having someone in the room while he was sleeping. However, his mind eventually started slowing down and forgot about the person in the room, and he fell into an unconscious, but not dreamless, state.

* * *

_**Hello everyone! I apologize for the lack of action in this chapter, but hopefully the next one will make up for it :) Thanks for reading!**_


	8. The Ice Is Getting Thinner

_"No."_

_ "Excuse me?" Francis replied, his brow raised. "I don't seem to have heard you correctly. What did you say?"_

_ "I said no," Vash snapped, releasing the china plates he had been holding. They shattered into a thousand pieces on the hardwood floor, and Francis stared at them for several moments in disbelief. Vash continued angrily. "I am not serving your party. I am not your slave." _

_ France glared at Switzerland for an instant, then his face instantly relaxed. "You're right," he said with a coy smile. "I cannot make you do anything you refuse to do." _

_ With that, he exited the room but came back briefly with something in his hand. Vash looked at it with confusion and weariness, wondering what it could be._

_ Before Vash could react, the Frenchman grabbed his arm in a grip the blonde couldn't escape. He immediately stuck the needle into his arm, and Vash let out a small gasp as an intense pain suddenly filled his arm. France let go with a chuckle, watching with delight as the poison started running through the Swiss. Vash could now feel the pain almost everywhere in his body, and he collapsed onto the floor, struggling to breathe. _

_ Suddenly, the pain intensified tenfold, and the blonde cried out, unable to hold it in any longer. He wasn't even aware of Francis anymore as the pain occupied all his thoughts. It was worse than anything he had ever experienced before, and just when he thought it couldn't get any worse, the pain intensified again. Vash screamed out, squeezing his eyes shut. _

_ "Stop!" He screamed, unable to control his actions or words anymore. "Make it stop!" _

_ He felt himself being shaken, and he screamed out yet again. _

_ "Make it stop, make it s-"_

_ "_Vash, Vash! Wake up!"

Switzerland woke up, still screaming and thrashing around. Austria tried to hold him and calm him down, but Vash was still in dream mode.

"Vash, it's okay! You're okay, you're home!" Roderich said loudly and frantically, trying his best to bring the nation back to the present.

Vash opened his eyes and looked around wildly. He stopped thrashing around after several moments, but he continued to breathe unevenly and quickly. Roderich stood to his side looking at the blonde with worry, but the Swiss paid no attention to it. He tried to slow his breathing, but he found himself to be struggling in the process.

Switzerland sat up slowly, running his hand through his hair and gripping it loosely. _I'm home, _he thought to himself in an attempt to calm his thoughts down. _It was a dream. Everything is okay. _

However, these thoughts couldn't calm him down. His vision started to blur as his eyes filled with tears. He stared at a distant spot on the wall as he tried to hold the tears in.

"What's wrong with me?" he whispered softly, feeling a mixture of despair and hopelessness.

Roderich opened his mouth to reply, but Vash cut him off.

"Why is this happening to me?" he said in a broken voice, turning to look Austria in the eyes. "Why can I not move on?"

Instead of replying, Roderich knelt down besides the blonde and wrapped his arms around him comfortingly. "Shh," he whispered softly, trying to calm the nation down. "It's alright, it's normal for you to be like this right now. Just let it out; don't hold all of your feelings in."

Tears made their way down Switzerland's face, but he did not let out any sobs. He sat there in Austria's embrace as the nation tried to calm him down, but it made a minimal impact on his emotions.

He felt so weak, so pathetic that he couldn't stop thinking about what had happened. But above all, he felt an overwhelming feeling of despair that only seemed to leave him briefly from time to time. How would he ever get over these emotions? When would things ever begin to be normal again? Would they ever?

Roderich pulled away from Vash and looked him in the eyes, although Vash avoided his gaze and continued looking at the wall.

"Hey," Roderich whispered, and Switzerland tilted his head so slightly as to acknowledge that he was listening ever so faintly. "How about we go on a brief walk," he suggested, getting up and holding out his hand for Vash to take. "It'll be good to get out of the house, and we can talk a little bit, okay?"

After a brief moment, the blonde took the outstretched hand, so lost in his thoughts he didn't even feel in control of his actions. He got up slowly, and, still looking off at nothing, walked toward his door with the very man he had never wanted to speak to again in order to sort out his problem.


	9. Failed Attempts

Vash stared at the ground as he walked, no thoughts occupying his usually busy mind. The two had been walking in silence for some time, yet Vash didn't even notice. He was filled with an emptiness that couldn't seem to leave him, and it seemed to block out everything that was going on.

Switzerland suddenly felt something grab his wrist, and he looked up to see Roderich holding it. The nation had stopped, but of course, Vash hadn't noticed, and Austria had grabbed his wrist to get his attention. The blonde looked to the Austrian with a blank, lost look.

Roderich hesitated upon seeing his expression, but he quickly softened his gaze. "Vash," he started, looking around at the field they stood in, "why don't we sit here, and maybe you can talk to me and tell me what's going on."

Switzerland just looked to the grass and slowly sat down without a word, Austria following suit. He criss-crossed his legs and looked to the ground, waiting for Roderich to begin speaking.

After several moments, the Austrian finally opened his mouth. "Vash, please tell me what you're thinking. Or how you're feeling. S_omething,_" he pleaded, looking into the blonde's downturned eyes.

Vash picked at a blade of grass, ripping it into pieces and unleashing it into the air. Keeping his gaze down, he responded to Austria.

"I don't know," he said quietly.

He could see Roderich's exasperated look with his response, and he moved to elaborate his response.

"I don't know how I feel!" he said with more force, although he still spoke in a voice barely above a whisper. "I just feel…lost. I feel like everything I do causes me to have some flashback, and I just can't escape…anything…"

His voice broke on the last word, and he turned his head away to look toward the horizon. He felt Roderich's gaze on him, but he paid no attention to it. Some small part of him still didn't want to be revealing his feelings to anyone, especially the Austrian, yet he felt so trapped that he didn't really have another option. He had already burst in front of Roderich; it's not like he could hide anything anymore.

"Vash, that's normal," Roderich replied softly. "If you completely forgot about what happened, I would say that's wrong. You went through something traumatic, so it will take time for you to get over it. But you need to be able to communicate with others in order to do so."

The blonde turned his gaze back to the ground, unsure of what to say. It seemed as if no one really understood him. He didn't like to share his feelings with others-it was hard for him to confide in others. And if he couldn't talk to someone, how could he even hope to move on? He didn't see how it was possible, especially with Roderich's help. He already had lost his faith in the nation, and now he was expected to be fixed by him?

He felt the Austrian's gaze on his face, but he refused to meet his eyes. Roderich let out a slow breath but said nothing. The two sat in silence for several minutes until Austria finally spoke again.

"What are you having flashbacks of?" he asked quietly.

Vash's mind immediately flashed to a scene of Francis stabbing his chest with a knife. He cringed and blinked his eyes several times to bring him back to the present.

"I don't know," he said in a small voice. "Just of things France did to me."

"Vash," Roderich said with a small hesitation, "what did he do to you? It will help you if you talk about it."

Switzerland focused all of his attention on a blade of grass he held in his fingers. No. He wasn't going to talk about it. He wasn't going to relive those memories with Roderich. He didn't need to know what happened.

Several moments passed by with no one speaking. Austria waited for the blonde to respond, and when he didn't, he shifted his position so he was more upright.

"Vash, I know it's hard and you don't want to do it, but I really think you need to say these things out loud to release some of the fear. I know it's hard, but I'm asking you to trust me."

With this last statement, Switzerland slowly looked up into the Austrian's face with an almost hopeless look. "God, Roderich, you really don't get it, do you?"

Austria looked to him puzzled, and the blonde shook his head and stood up. "You keep telling me to trust you and tell you everything. Don't you understand yet that I can't?"

Roderich stood up slowly with his mouth open as if thinking of how to respond. However, Switzerland had turned his back on the nation. "Some things are easy to forget," he said bitterly, "and others make an impact that isn't so easily forgotten about."

"I-I know," Austria responded, trying to sound sincere. "I know what I did has permanently damaged your trust in me. But I want you to get better, and as hard as it may be, you can trust me with this one thing. You'll only be talking to me, I won't tell anyone anything you say."

Vash shook his head. "I need to go," he said quietly, starting to move away. Roderich reached an arm out to grab the nation's arm, but he easily slipped out of his grasp and continued walking away. He left Roderich alone in the field as he moved with unknown direction, figuring he would feel better anywhere but there.


	10. This Is It

After about half an hour of walking, Vash paused to take a rest. He lay his head on a tree, taking a shaky breath. Of course, things were continuing to go wrong, and they just kept getting worse. He couldn't make progress with Austria, and vice versa, but he only had himself to blame. Why couldn't he just talk to him? What made it so hard to just let out all of his thoughts and emotions?

"Oh, what a surprise to see you here," a voice said from behind him, and Switzerland's blood turned cold. Slowly, he turned around, and standing all of ten feet away from him was Francis.

"What are you doing here?" Vash questioned in a quiet yet forceful voice, reaching into his pocket to pull out his gun. However, he realized he had left it at home, and he had no knife on him either. He cursed to himself at his stupidity.

"I was actually coming to see you," Francis said with a sick smile, "but it seems you beat me to it, no?"

France took a step forward causing Vash to step back, but he only ran into the tree he had been leaning on. He had nowhere to go without running away.

"I'm no longer yours," he responded as he narrowed his eyes, trying to look unafraid. "You have no reason to be here."

"Ah, but what kind of person would I be if I didn't check up on my former partner?"

Vash snarled. "We were never partners! I was forced to become part of your country. But we're past that now, and my country is independent. You need to leave."

Francis took a couple more steps forward until he was in arms reach of the blonde. He let out a laugh. "I will leave when I feel like it, dear Vash!" he said with a smile. Before Switzerland could get in a word, France continued. "Honestly, I'm surprised you aren't begging for me to stay. When will you realize how much you need my assistance? After all, your country isn't in the best state right now. You should be begging for my help."

"You're the reason it's like this right now!" he snapped, losing all of his fear to anger. "Why the hell would anyone want your assistance?! You just destroy everything!"

The Frenchman let out a humorless laugh. "Oh Vash, you're just as funny as I remember."

Before he could react, Francis pressed the nation against the tree and had his fingers wrapped around the blonde's throat. Vash immediately tried to fight France off, but he only pressed harder, and Switzerland already began to struggle to breathe.

"See how weak you are?" Francis hissed in his ear. "This is why you can't be a nation of your own."

He pressed his fingers even harder, and his vision began to fill with black. He was just on the verge of unconsciousness with the Frenchman suddenly released him, and Vash collapsed to the ground gasping for air. Francis stood above him watching the nation struggle to regain his breath, and Switzerland slowly regained his emotion of anger. But a new emotion formed as well-doubt. Was France right? He had almost been killed by the nation in so little time. Obviously that showed how weak he was. Was he fit to lead his country? He couldn't even fight of a Frenchman.

He was brought back to the present situation by the sound of Francis's laughter.

"Have a nice day," he said sweetly while Switzerland kept his gaze on the ground. "I'll be watching your country closely, little Vash."

Vash watched France quickly disappear into the edge of the forest. As soon as he was no longer visible, he shifted his position so he sat with his back to the tree.

_I'm not fit to be the leader of my country,_ he thought miserably. _I'm not strong enough to compare to any of the nations._

He closed his eyes feeling overcome with despair. How could he run a country when he was so weak and every other nation knew it? If France could take his country over, what would stop the others from doing the same? He had to do something, _anything, _to help his country and prevent any further invasion. But how could he when he was so weak?

A thought suddenly occurred to him, and he quickly opened his eyes. He stood up silently as he immediately knew what he had to do. He started to walk off in the opposite direction he came from with a newfound determination.

He obviously wasn't fit to run his country, so his only option was to be replaced. And he knew just how to do it.

It was a good thing no one really cared about him that much.


	11. If You Love Something

A soft breeze rose about, blowing through Vash's hair. He closed his eyes as he felt the wind ruffle his clothes. He sighed. It was such a surreal moment, and he felt he could sit there forever.

But he couldn't.

He opened his eyes and looked out upon the edge of the cliff where he sat as many thoughts ran through his head. He would miss his country, and on some levels he felt bad about the decision he had come to. But, he knew how the old saying went; if you love something, let it go. So, he was doing what was best for his country. It would be better off with someone else representing it and making decisions for it. Being replaced really was the best and only option for the wellbeing of his nation.

He closed his eyes again as another breeze blew through. At least he knew he wouldn't be hurting anyone. His neutrality had its benefits; he hadn't formed alliances with other nations, so none of the others were very close to him. His death might be a shock to the others, but he knew they wouldn't be overly upset by it.

Switzerland opened his eyes for what he assumed would be the last time.

_This is it,_ he thought to himself.

He placed his hands on the ground beside him in order to push himself out over the edge of the cliff. He was about to jump when suddenly a heavy force slammed into him from the side, and Vash went tumbling onto his back. He let out a breath of air at the impact and looked above him to see what had slammed into him. When he saw the figure, his eyes narrowed in anger.

"Roderich!" he yelled, shoving the nation off of him. "What the hell are you doing?"

Austria sat up and looked to the blonde with a wildly panicked look. "What am I doing?" he said hysterically. "What are _you _doing? Why were you sitting on the edge of a cliff about to jump off?!"

Vash grit his teeth in annoyance. "It's none of your business," he snapped, looking away.

"It is!" the nation cried, grabbing the blonde's arm. "Killing yourself isn't the answer, Vash!"

Switzerland yanked his arm out of Austria's grasp. "How would you know?" he hissed angrily. "You don't represent my country. You don't know what's best for it!"

Roderich looked at him in alarm. "You think ending your life is best for your country?" he asked in a somewhat quiet voice.

"I _know _it is," Vash responded forcefully. "I'm not strong enough to make the right decisions for my country. I thought I was, but I'm not. If I'm not here, someone else will be chosen to represent Switzerland, and my country will be better off."

The Austrian looked at him with a look that the blonde couldn't read. "Vash, none of that is true."

Switzerland closed his eyes in frustration. He was wasting time talking to Austria. Nothing would be accomplished in doing so-he wasn't going to change his mind. No one could tell him what was best for his country. No one but himself.

Roderich started talking again, but Vash ignored him as his anger started building. He was tired of someone else telling him what was best for him. He was sick of people telling him lies about himself. He was tired of people acting as if they knew him so well.

As he reached his patience point, he suddenly shoved Austria onto his back, taking the nation by surprise. Before the fallen nation could react, Vash jumped up and ran toward the cliff. He heard Roderich scream from behind him, but he ignored it and continued running. When he reached the edge, he wasted no time hesitating and jumped right off.

_Goodbye, _he thought peacefully as he fell through the air.

He was out as soon as he hit the ground.

* * *

**How's that for a cliffhanger, eh?**

**Sorry for the super short chapter. I didn't expect it to be that short, but I mean hey, when does anything ever go as planned?**

**Thanks for all the reviews, I appreciate all of them!**

**I'll try to update as soon as possible :-)**


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